i forgot a super important thing.

MY FREAKING PHONE CONKED OUT

WTF?! dear phone, i treated you not very badly, though i dropped you a few times. how can you die on me?! im not going to give you a funeral. im just going to dump you aside. f*** you.

anyway, it's been fine nowadays though im still struggling with my maths and school work. im starting to do my homework. ms quek, be happy that im doing homework. actually quite proud of myself. i usually do homework if im scared of the teacher or when i feel like it. so not very frequent.

last night ah ming gor gor asked me what jc i want to go to. i didnt dare to reply so i said that i didnt know. not that i dont know la. but im aiming for a polytechnic. but now im not sure because im not really SURE that i want that course, or what course do i really want. if it's a jc then it'll be rjc, njc, hcjc or nyjc. but im not that pro. last night i went for the dinner. and the two relatives who were sec three too. i felt so dumb and i felt like my grandmother despise me. just because they are both in the integrated programme. so what if they are in raffles and hwachong. not like i can get in right? i know i cant cope. i really cant. but im trying. i dont go out as much now. but i cant study alone. urghs..

i have biology test tomorrow and i havent started revising. dont have the mood. but i will later.

sometimes i tell you
im ok
im alright
i want you to believe
though i know everything's just a lie

i tried to be
what you want me to be
but i realised
thats not what i want
but im on the road to realisation